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How Many Minutes of Hulk (2003) Can You Endure?

I was only able to watch 40 minutes. The 2003 Hulk film is horrible. It reminded me of my attempt to watch Invisible Mom. I waited for 60 minutes and the mom had still not turned invisible yet. The big difference is that I had very low expectations for Invisible Mom.

Since I didn’t watch Ang Lee’s Hulk completely, I won’t bore you with the plot. You can blame James Schamus for a story that has almost nothing to do with Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s green Marvel character. Why didn’t the screenplay writers complain? I’m looking at you, Jack Turman, Michael France and James Schamus. I guess you guys were just doing your job. Instead, you’ll reading about what caused me to stop watching Hulk (2003).

So Many Random Animals

The movie begins with some animal cruelty scenes. I have no idea why they decided to do this. I mean I appreciate zooming on cute animals as much as anyone else. Yet, movie director Ang Lee used it way too much. During the intro, you get close-ups on lab experiments involving starfish, lizards, sea cucumbers and monkeys. I’m surprised there were no rats. I guess they aren’t a cool enough animal. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure Ang Lee or another member of the Hulk movie crew really likes dogs. Why else would David Banner (Bruce Banner’s father) be followed by a bunch of dogs? Maybe it’s explained later in the movie, but I just thought it was a stupid addition to this alternate Incredible Hulk universe.

Horrible Character Casting / Acting

I have been disappointed by character casting ever since I watched either the first Spider-Man or X-Men movie. I have to say that Avy Kaufman and Franklyn Warren did a worse job casting actors for the 2003 Hulk movie than whoever worked on The Fantastic Four movie. Jessica Alba as the Invisible Woman?

Jennifer Connelly as Betty Ross and Eric Bana as Bruce Banner aren’t that bad. Some critics have claimed that the acting is excellent. I have to state that it really isn’t. The performance of the main characters reminds me of my favorite B-Movies. The problem is that Hulk is not supposed to be a B-Movie, even if the CGI frog and horrible 3-D Hulk animations suggest the contrary.

My biggest issue is with Glen Talbot. In the Incredible Hulk comics, Glen is portrayed as a hardcore military man with brown hair and a pencil mustache. Josh Lucas, the actor chosen to portray Glen in the movie, is a blond business man. Is it that hard to find an actor that looks similar to the comic book character? It wasn’t in 2008 when they remade a Hulk movie. I’m guessing Marvel and film makers realized how bad this one was.

All is not bad, the highlight of my 40 minute online movie watching session was witnessing a “cameo” by Daniel Dae Kim. In case you haven’t watched TV in a long time, Dae Kim plays Jin-Soo Kwon, the Korean castaway in Lost. This was my favorite moment in the whole movie. I doubt I would of gained anything better if I had watched the remaining 90 minutes. Yes, the movie is over 2 hours!

Hulk Movie Causes Nerd Rage

Here is a list of everything that got the nerd inside of me angry.

  1. Brian Banner is named David and he is not an alcoholic.
  2. Brian does not beat his child and wife at Christmas. Why do a Christmas scene?
  3. Bruce Banner was not exposed to radiation as a child.
  4. The whole Hulk origin story is badly done. I actually don’t really know what happened because after 40 minutes, Bruce Banner had yet to transform into the Green Goliath.
  5. If you decide to buy Hulk, you can probably find more reasons to rage.

Concerns For Impressionable Youth

Why do Bruce Banner’s lab partners make fun of him for wearing a bicycle helmet? Aren’t movie targeted towards young viewers supposed to encourage being safe? This really grinds my gears. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprise that an action movie does not focus on safety and good behavior.

Hulk (2003) Movie Review Recap

Overall, the movie was horrible. I only watch as much as I did because I told myself I had to watch at least 30 minutes. The problem with Hulk is that it begins with pointless and confusing background story. The plot itself is confusing and more complicated than the simple comic book origins story. Also, using flashbacks of flashbacks within flashbacks is not a good story telling technique.

The video editing seems like it was done by me. In other words, by someone who has no skills and, therefore, aims to get cheesiness, lack of effort and funny points. Lots of pointless zooming on faces and transition effects.

Only watch this movie if you have some time to waste.

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